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Motherhood

To the Mom Who Feels Like She’s Failing

Dear Fellow Mom,

I understand.

You feel constantly overwhelmed and defeated by the way life is going right now. The kids need help. The house is a wreck. More days than not, you end up feeling completely broken. You are exhausted, physically and emotionally.

I understand.

You had an idea of what it would be like to raise your children. You didn’t come into this motherhood thing naively thinking it would be easy. But you definitely didn’t know it could get THIS hard, this absolutely encompassing.

I understand.

You had a life before. You were ambitious. You took challenges head on and came out the victor. You were able to explore and learn and you often succeeded at what you set out to do.

I understand.

There are expectations that you had for yourself, ones you deemed realistic and reachable. You vow that next week you are going to get better at executing those original plans, but something always comes up that prevents you from having the time to devote to it.

I understand.

The house is scattered with projects gone unfinished. You are usually needed before you can complete anything and by the time you remember it, you’ve already moved on to the next thing. It can literally feel like you are losing your mind. You forget what you walked into a room to do.

I understand because I am that mom too.

I feel like I’m constantly in motion but going nowhere. But we do so much more than the tangible list of chores on the fridge.  It’s what I like to call “chaotic survival”. Everyone is alive and healthy (for the most part), but things just have to be as they are. It doesn’t matter how many times you do laundry, there will always be another pile to take on. But everyone is fed and eventually gets to sleep. But you feel like you can never take a real break. It’s unrelenting. Your brain feels like it is in a constant state of stimulation.

I know eventually things will get easier. A routine will emerge and I will gain some semblance of control again. But it gets hard. Let’s give ourselves permission. We have permission to vent without feeling guilty that some else may have it worse. We have permission to cry in the bathroom if we need to (it can be surprisingly therapeutic.) We have permission to ask for help. We have permission to accept help as it’s offered.

So here’s to us. We’re doing it. It’s far from perfect and it’s not always pretty, but you are doing a good job (and so am I.)

With Love and Support,

Another mom, who doesn’t always give herself enough credit

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